A Model Abuser
It’s amazing how different a subway ride can be depending on the time of day and the day of week. Ride the subway in the morning on a week day and it’s full of tired students on their way to high school and sober-looking grownups on their way to work. Ride the subway on a Saturday night and you end up sharing your seat with people like the pair sitting next to me. They snuck a six-pack onto the subway and each has finished his first and has fitzed open his second. They have goofy laughs and they try to carry a conversation with two girls sitting across from them. The girls are dressed suburban ho style and you know just by looking at them they’re the sort who never learn anything except the hard way. One of the boys is showing off by demonstrating his ability to fart at will. The other announces that he’s a poet who can come up with poems on the spot. He asks one of the girls her name. “Judy?”
“Trudy.”
“Trudy?”
He stares at the ceiling then squeezes his eyes together tight like he’s sitting on a toilet. “There once was a girl named Trudy/Who was reedy and trudy a cutie/She looks hot in her pants …” The poet stalls. “She looks hot in her pants …”
Posted in 21st Century Terrors | No Comments »
They give me a green capsule and tell me it contains a radioactive isotope. I swallow it and wait in the reception area until they call my name and lead me to a special room. They leave me alone to put on a gown. I don’t understand the concern for privacy given a) the gown has a single tie in the back and the rest hangs open and gives the world a clear view of my ass and b) they’ll be using a machine that can see through bone so a few articles of clothing aren’t going to make a difference. Doesn’t matter to me though. I’m not much of one to get all bashful about things. They lie me down on a table beneath a big scanner. A technician explains that the isotope binds itself in a special way to uric acid so the images of my kidney will show up bright green. They do a couple passes with me lying on my back then a couple more with me lying on my stomach. When they’re done they tell me the doctor will be in touch. After I get dressed I check my watch and see it’s nearly rush hour. No point going back to work so I ride a bus to the subway station.