Project:  Hughes, Edward
Interview:  0031957 (Voice Calibration)
Interviewer: Ginsberg, Alan

So ya, man.  Name?  Hughes.  Ya.  Ted.  So ya, man, I worked on the GB20 design team.  You owe me.  You owe me big time.  In fact, you guys should be on your knees kissing the ground we walk on.  We hit a veracity factor – nine point seven – unheard of.  Most people – even the pros – most of them couldn’t tell the difference.  The new bot could lie, it could laugh at a private joke, break out in a sweat under pressure.  We made a bot with Asperger’s Syndrome, another one with social anxiety disorder that would fall down and have a panic attack.  We even did a bot that would tic under stress.  Annoying as all hell, but that’s what the loved one wanted.

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Norm and I had been on vacation when Ed across the road from us took his spell or whatever it was he took that ended up killing him and left poor Thelma all alone in that big old house of hers.  So, on account of us being in Wichita Falls at the time, Norm and I never had a chance to console Thelma or even bring her a casserole until three weeks after the fact.  We didn’t know a thing about it until after we got home.  Ray next door said there was quite a ruckus the night Ed died what with the sirens and flashing lights and police and ambulance people and even a big red fire truck parked a little down the road.  And there was poor Thelma in her housecoat wandering after the police, following them down the front walk and floating around like she was in a fog.
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Although the Swedes aren’t known as a warlike people, the marketing department had launched their latest campaign with military precision. They softened the beachhead – in a manner of speaking – by deliberately leaking all kinds of rumours that exploded like mortar shells in the trenches of America. The result was buzz. The air crackled with anticipation. The world was about to witness the latest in Swedish innovation from Yeskia.

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Being the environmentally conscientious sort that I am, I went out to WalFart and bought myself a new push mower. Besides helping to reduce gas emissions, it’s good exercise to be running up and down the lawn with a push mower. Plus it doesn’t do a half bad job of cutting the grass. But the biggest bonus is that I get to smile and wave at John across the road and rub his nose in it. John’s the competitive type and likes to buy the biggest of everything. He has the biggest home on the street, the biggest car, the biggest dog and – of course – the biggest lawn mower – a Henry 2000.

There I’ll be in the heat of a summer’s day pushing my push mower back and forth and John’ll smile his smarmy smile and wave his wavey wave and ask how I like working up a sweat.

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Frank liked his new computer.  His son Jimmy bought it for his 65th birthday.  It came fully loaded - and with all the peripherals to boot.  It had a fast CPU and a big flatscreen monitor.  You could listen to music or watch a movie on it, scan pictures, run them off on a nice colour printer, record your voice, chat on the webcam.  It was a real beauty.  Frank was having fun learning how to use it.  And of course the most important thing was the fast internet connection.  Jimmy had said there was no point in having a good computer if you don’t have a fast internet connection.  They had an argument about which way to go - coax or dsl.  Jimmy was all for dsl.  But Frank’s buddy named Sam (who lived next door) had signed up for coax and said there was no comparison.  The clincher came when Jimmy admitted he had shares in the phone company.  There’s nothing like a conflict of interest to settle an argument.  So there Frank was with his beauty of a computer and his fast internet connection spending all his spare time sitting in front of the glowing screen and clicking his way to a repetitive strain injury.

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